Sunday, July 12, 2009

Maybe I Will Try To Chew....*hurl* Maybe Not.

Went to the ER this morning with chest and arm pain. I figured it was just a bad panic attack and was hoping that they would confirm this and I could go home and wait it out... Instead, I got strapped up to all these monitors, fed baby asprin and nitroglycerin, got a chest x-ray and morphine. Then, after three hours they said that it was most likely a panic attack; but, because my heart was doing some funky shit, I have to go have a stress test later this week.

They told me I have to stop smoking since my older brother has a history of having a heart attack at 37. Also, when I told them about Rob's mom and dad being stricken with lung cancer, the doc told me I should stop smoking around him altogether, because my second-hand smoke would likely kill him considering his history.

I have been trying, on and off, for the past year to quit. I have the fucking gum, I have been exercising when I notice I am starting to chain-smoke... The doc assured me that, since my bipolar shit is now stabilized, now would be a good time to give Chantix a try.

Part of me wants to quit and another part of me wants to chain-smoke like hell.

God help me.

Jesus Crappants.... I am more worried about Rob's health more than mine.

I am just really apathetic about warnings of death for myself; to be honest, I would love the release from the pain in my brain when I am going nuts.

I don't know if I am making sense. I sure know that I am a selfish bitch...


Thanks for listening.



  1. Hugs. Panic attack/cardiac scares suck.
    The Chantix seems like it may be someting that may work with the other psych meds from what I know of it.

  2. The same happened to me last summer. I couldn't do the stress test though, because I was not able to stay on the treadmill long enough without running out of breath. lol So they did that nuclear stress test. It all came out to anxiety and stress. Hang in there !