Went to the ER this morning with chest and arm pain. I figured it was just a bad panic attack and was hoping that they would confirm this and I could go home and wait it out... Instead, I got strapped up to all these monitors, fed baby asprin and nitroglycerin, got a chest x-ray and morphine. Then, after three hours they said that it was most likely a panic attack; but, because my heart was doing some funky shit, I have to go have a stress test later this week.
They told me I have to stop smoking since my older brother has a history of having a heart attack at 37. Also, when I told them about Rob's mom and dad being stricken with lung cancer, the doc told me I should stop smoking around him altogether, because my second-hand smoke would likely kill him considering his history.
I have been trying, on and off, for the past year to quit. I have the fucking gum, I have been exercising when I notice I am starting to chain-smoke... The doc assured me that, since my bipolar shit is now stabilized, now would be a good time to give Chantix a try.
Part of me wants to quit and another part of me wants to chain-smoke like hell.
God help me.
Jesus Crappants.... I am more worried about Rob's health more than mine.
I am just really apathetic about warnings of death for myself; to be honest, I would love the release from the pain in my brain when I am going nuts.
I don't know if I am making sense. I sure know that I am a selfish bitch...
Thanks for listening.